For Our Daughters, a 30-minute documentary by Kristin Kobes Du Mez and available to watch for free on YouTube, was prompted by the final chapter of her book Jesus and John Wayne, entitled “Evangelical Mulligans: A History.” That chapter details a number of sexual abuse cases in the evangelical church and the subsequent film uses the voices of women who have not only been sexually abused and assaulted by evangelical church leaders but then faced ridicule and additional injury after coming forward with their stories. The film recounts these stories of sexual abuse and harassment–stories that were dismissed, ignored, buried, or justified by blaming the victim.
If you have not yet watched this film, you should. Then you should watch it again. And then you should share the film with a group of people and watch it for a third time.
Why should you watch this film more than once?
The simple answer is this: the women in your life don’t feel safe.
Next week, we in the United States will inaugurate a president who has been convicted of sexually abusing E. Jean Carroll (along with 34 other felony convictions). This incoming president was elected–and supported–by a large number of evangelical Christians, many of whom hold positions of power and authority in their congregations and denominations. For many in the church, being convicted of sexual abuse doesn’t disqualify one from holding the highest, most powerful position in the nation.
Additionally, in the last few weeks, the media has covered the story of Gisèle Pelicot, the French woman who was covertly drugged and raped by her husband and over 50 men between 2011 and 2020.
According to the RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) website, 1 out of every 6 women in the United States has been the victim of rape or sexual assault.
Women don’t feel safe.
While this film doesn’t trace how segments of the church ended up with a culture of toxic masculinity and prevalent sexual abuse (there are resources for that on the film’s website), it does extend an implied call for accountability. What we see in For Our Daughters is case after case, story after story, of women reporting abuse and their abuser getting away with it, often in a very public manner. Men in pastoral leadership roles maintained their positions even after admitting to the abuse, and their victims are victimized all over again as they witness the lack of accountability for their abuser.
As Rachel Denhollander says in the film, “It costs you something to side with the vulnerable and the weak and the oppressed. It costs you nothing to side with the one who’s in power.”
That is what we see in the film: The desire for holding power surpasses the rights of abused women. Men think they can get away with abuse because they can get away with it. Abusers aren’t held accountable, in fact they are actually protected, which results in the perpetuation of an unbalanced power system in churches, in politics and government, in marriages, and in families.
This is a place where accountability needs to come in. If church leaders want women to feel safe, there needs to be real accountability in abuse cases. We need to get back to the biblical mandate that church leaders are held to a higher standard–a standard that embraces love, humility, and care for others.
As the film states, “those of us who are raising our voices are not calling for a departure from Christ, but rather a return to who Christ really is.”
16 Responses
Wrangling 2 daughters. Well said. I wrangled 3. In spite of my many mistakes and missteps, all 3 have become women I admire and adore.
thank you for this review and for bringing the film to our attention. Your words are passionate, and raw, while at the same time filled with truth that is well researched. Thanks, Kathryn.
So critical to continue to push these issues, this movie, front and center. Thanks Kathryn!
Thanks for adding to this conversation. “Abusers aren’t held accountable, in fact they are actually protected, which results in the perpetuation of an unbalanced power system in churches…
This is a place where accountability needs to come in… We need to get back to the biblical mandate that church leaders are held to a higher standard–a standard that embraces love, humility, and care for others.” When the laws in a state or country don’t protect the vulnerable, the church needs to hold itself to a higher standard than the law requires of them.
I want the church to hold itself to a higher standard! Thanks for saying that.
Dear Kathryn,
thank you for writing this and highlighting the film, and the epidemic of violence. When the film premiered in Holland last fall, there were a number of speakers who addressed the audience. Besides being appalled by the demonstrated force with which people defend perpetrators, it caused many of us to gasp quietly when one of the speakers said this was, in all of her years of advocacy, the very first audience to “take her side.”
Disbelief is one thing; we can get over that. Siding against victims, blaming victims, is the prevailing dynamic. That tells me we are very pathetic people when we cannot or choose not to honor the stories of victims.
Thank you, Cindi! And I agree that more needs to be done to protect and honor the victims.
Thanks for writing this Kathryn. Quite a few years ago now I was sexually assaulted at a CRC endorsed retreat by a highly respected CRC ordained clergyman. I reported the incident to the Safe Church Committee at the time which would not consider it because it didn’t happen in a church. I then reported it to the board of the organization sponsoring the retreat. They also would not address it because the perpetrator was no longer head of the organization. What did happen was that it was brought to the attention of the council of a church he was transferring his membership from and to the church where he was transferring his membership. A committee of all males from both churches was formed to address the situation. After a few months, I, my husband, the perpetrator, and his wife were asked to meet with that committee. The chairman opened the meeting stating that the purpose of the meeting was to bring about reconciliation, to which I pushed back because I had never been contacted by that committee before. The chairperson agreed, and after substantial discussion the perpetrator was asked if what I reported was true. His response, “Yes, it is, but I will never ask her to forgive me.” That ended the meeting and the committee chair stated that I would be informed of the next step decision of the committee. A few weeks later I was informed that the perpetrator’s credentials would be suspended for two years. However, several years later I learned from a very reliable source that his credentials were never suspended. That was an additional assault to me. He was protected from consequences by other powerful men and a woman. The man is now deceased and he never did request forgiveness from me. There are some who believe it never happened, another assault. At the most recent CRC Synod, a Code Of Conduct for Clergy and Office Bearers was presented and voted on. The fact that it passed at substantially less than 100% is concerning. Yes, women do not feel safe in situations where they should feel the most respected and protected.
Thank you for sharing this story. There can be a sentiment that these problems are not present in our Reformed churches, and that is not true. I am glad to know that you had a group of people that believed and supported you. It’s awful when the people who ought to be holding each other accountable do not have the will or capacity to do so.
Phyllis, thank you so much for sharing your story! I’m so sorry that this happened to you and that you continued to be abused and traumatized by those who were supposed to protect you. Thank you for writing.
You state that men in power are called out, apparently guilty as charged, and still maintain their positions
within the church. Last evening on television I watched a man appear before a Senate confirmation committee admit similar deeds and later be admitted to one of the key cabinet positions in the Trump Whitehouse. This behavior is embedded in our culture. Men may be guilty, but we accept the guilt without asking even for a show of shame and life goes on.
Well said Kathryn.
Thank you for your message. It’s hard to comprehend the lifelong impact this has on women. It follows women for life, I’ve seen it firsthand. Speak out against this whenever able, and again, and again. The silence shrouding this is slowing falling away, but we have a long way to go. Training and working in a male dominated culture, I was sexually harassed, and at the time not well equipped to know how to respond. Fortunately a good friend (thank you, Dale, wherever you are) came alongside me to deescalate the situation. To see males elevated to the highest levels of leadership and domination with this known behavior makes me heartsick. Normalizing, worse rewarding, this behavior is abhorrent. Yes please, a ‘return to who Christ really is’, may it be so.
Thank you Kathryn. As a father of 6 adult daughters this resonates. In my life as a pastor the first pastoral issues that arose in the two churches I served concerned abuse that had never been properly dealt with by the church leaders. The consequences were horrendous. Dealing with them as a new pastor in each situation, seeking healing for the victims and justice also took a toll on me. I only lasted in church ministry for 12 years.
Thank you for bringing attention to the ripple effects/toll abuse places on people in the communities where the abuse takes place. And thank you for being an advocate!
It bothers me that when the church is busy straining out gnats there are many men lending their voices, when Dr Schoon-Tanis writes about a really weighty subject very few responders are male. I want to add a male voice giving thanks for this article and lamenting that it is needed. And let’s not be shy about pointing out how many members of the new cabinet are examples of how timely this film is.
Thanks Dan, for responding to Kathryn’s post and calling attention to both issues. I have been lamenting this for a very long time.