As I was sitting down to write this blog, I had a whole idea in mind to write about a way of thinking that has shifted pretty sharply for me from what I learned as a child. For me, these shifts are many, and truly, this is as it should be – both because none of us springs from the womb with a fully-articulated worldview and values in place, and because growth and change are part of life. A life without growth and change is just existing, not thriving.

But wait – there’s an “and” about to clear its throat in the back of the room. 

And! Many things shift, as they should, but many good values learned early rightfully hold their place. I was raised in a home full of love for God and for one another. There was a lot that I learned early on that I have kept coming back to through all the stages of my life. There are elements of my spiritual life, my parenting, and my views of the world that now differ from my parents’, but in my change and growth over the years, there are many family heirlooms in my heart that have shaped that growth.

Though my original blog topic will very likely make a return in the future, for today, I was motivated to shift – changing to write about what hasn’t changed.

I reached out to my sisters to ask them about the intangible heirlooms that they have kept. We had a lovely chat about some of the things that each of us learned in our childhood from Mom and Dad (either through intentional teaching or just observing) that we have carried through with us to adulthood. Here are a few:

Live within your means, and with gratitude. I grew up in a little farmhouse in rural Ontario. We were not wealthy by any stretch, and there was nothing ostentatious about the way we lived, but we never felt poor. Looking back, I see how frustrated Mom must have been, feeding a young family of eight with our cramped and awkward kitchen, but she was never grumbly or resentful about it. Eventually they renovated it, but they waited until they could afford it without taking on a lot of debt. I don’t have an itch to own a fancy car or a designer wardrobe, and I credit my parents with instilling a sense of contentment in me on that front. 

Find ways to build unique traditions with the people you love. My sisters and I remembered walks with our mom through our farm’s field and forest. The destination was often a big boulder we called “Treat Rock,” because we’d sit on it and munch a little snack that Mom had brought for us, and then we’d head back toward the house. My parents created little magical moments — if we were on a road trip, they’d have us toss a penny in a fountain and make a small wish that they would then make come true. We’d find the squirt gun or the candy stick that we asked for tucked under our pillow the next morning. Small moments of delight like this created such wonder-full memories for us.

Take on good challenges, and empower others to do the same. If we really wanted to try something, Mom and Dad were always game to help us, without swooping in or micromanaging. I decided when I was 11 that I wanted to be a beekeeper. They set me up with all the equipment I needed, and with a bit of research and some support from a couple of my uncles who also had hives, I just did it. The hive was my responsibility, and the sales from the honey proceeds were my reward!

Bring all generations into the conversation. One of my sisters shared this reflection: “I often think about the unspoken value they gave to children. When we had guests over, we were never shooed away, but felt welcome to stay and listen to and participate in the conversation (which I won’t even call ‘adult conversation’ because of that inclusion!) Our voices were heard, and they didn’t ever make us feel like kids were a hindrance or annoyance, but rather as equal and important.” 

We were also encouraged to connect well with elders, whether in our family, in our church, or in our community, and that enriched our lives so much.

Remember why you’re here. Whenever we were confused about the reason for some errand or stop on a journey, if we ever said, “Dad, why are we here?” invariably he would reply, with a twinkle in his eye, “To love God and to serve others!” We kids would roll our un-twinkly eyes, and eventually we’d get an answer about why we were at the hardware store or wherever. But his gentle repetition of this dad-joke ended up landing with all of us. I don’t recall why we were at the hardware store on a random Saturday in the 1980s, but I can tell you with confidence that we are here to love God and to serve others.

If your family dynamic lends itself to the type of conversation that my sisters and I shared, I encourage you to have it – maybe over the holidays! It was such a wonderful way to see how these heirlooms of the heart are often dear to multiple siblings, and also to be reminded of treasures that some had forgotten but others had remembered. 

As the oldest of six “kids” in our 30s and 40s who are scattered across two provinces with our own families and careers, it’s a very rare treat for us to all be together in one space. But I know that the next time we do, we’ll take the time to chat and laugh and thank our parents for passing these heart-treasures to their kids, and giving us the template to do the same for our own families.

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for giving us a foundation to grow and change and be our whole-est and best selves. Your children rise up and call you blessed.