We talk a lot about “life change” in our church. I have often attributed that change to transformations of faith, generosity, and well-being, but I don’t think I would say that my life changed so much until this past December. 

After two days in the hospital, on December 4, Samuel David arrived in the world with cries and all twenty fingers and toes–then perfectly into my arms. My life changed on that day, from Rev. Marcy Ryan to “Mom.”

I had no idea what was ahead. 

For those of you who do know what the first few weeks postpartum are like, I will spare you the memory. For those of you who may not, I’ll spare you the details. After those initial weeks, however, I started to emerge and to try establishing a routine. To be fair, that routine was mostly based around the never-ending feedings, and I was lucky if I got a shower. 

Being that it was an especially cold winter, I spent a lot of time inside–just observing, noticing, and being with my baby. Some days were beautiful,. Some days were tough. Some days were like “Groundhog Day.” But all days were good. There are thousands of little moments that already I am treasuring.

A few moments of holy wisdom pierced through in my time during maternity leave. 

• The moment when I put away his first onesie, realizing that we are always meant to grow, in fact we are designed to grow even within the first month of life. 
  
• Every time I got up to soothe him, hold him, and check on him in the middle of the night, reminding me that true love comes with sacrifice. 
  
• The text chain I had with other first-time moms, texting one another at 1 AM, laughing and crying, giving me hope that community comes in all seasons and at its best meets you where you’re at. 
  
• The first time he slept through the night–I was so afraid, but ultimately so grateful. A helpful opportunity to remind myself that rest is never to be taken for granted, ever again. 
  
• Seeing my husband, the grandparents, friends, and family hold Samuel knowing that I alone can’t care for him. It’s a gift to give others an opportunity to love him in ways that are different from the ways I do. 
  

I’m not sure what the future moments will be, even today. What I do know is that in my lowest moments and in the moments that are existentially higher than imaginable, God has drawn close. And I believe that God draws close to us in all seasons, but especially if we calm and still ourselves enough to pause and actually see it. 

You may not have been on maternity leave recently. Still, you may have gone through a life change, and for that I am grateful. It’s in those life changes where we take time to notice what it is God is doing in our lives and how glorious it is that God is with us along the way.