In another version of my life, I would have been one of the “Candidates for Ministry” presented at June’s Synod of the Christian Reformed Church.
Growing up in the CRC, no one ever explicitly told me that women couldn’t preach or lead. But I never saw women do either. When I started seminary, I didn’t anticipate pursuing pastoral ministry, so I didn’t enroll in the classes required for ordination.
Then, five years into our marriage, my husband and I intentionally sought out an egalitarian church. In time, I was able to see women clearly use their scriptural call to lead and teach. Our church called a woman to be our lead pastor. My heart softened, and I began to wonder if my own fear, lack of exposure, or simply my implicit assumptions had muffled God’s voice in my life.
Almost as soon I became certain of my call to ordination, however, the doors closed. Our family attended one of the churches that ultimately disaffiliated from the CRC. Pursuing ordination would require us to attend a CRC-approved church. We could have simply switched churches when I saw the writing on the wall, but that would have felt cowardly and disingenuous. Leaving our church, a church we love, was never a question for us.
I began investigating what ordination might look like in another denomination with a degree from Calvin Theological Seminary. I soon realized it would be complicated, expensive, and far more time-consuming than it would have been if the CRC had not splintered so messily.
Seeing the 36 new candidates for ministry at June’s CRC Synod felt remarkably strange.
I know almost all of them.
We sat together in class, discussing our doubts and sharing our stories. We chattered nervously as we awaited the results of our oral comprehensive exams. We exchanged congratulations over our new babies and cooed over photos. We groaned over challenging assignments and Monday quizzes. I even tutored some of them while serving as a teaching assistant.
Looking at that group of candidates, I’m struck by how similar our experiences were, even as now our paths have diverged widely. I think of the past several years of my life. They look very different vocationally than what I expected when I began seminary.
It is worth noting that only three of the 36 candidates were women. I would have made four.
In a denomination that officially affirms women serving in every office, that number feels painfully small. That today’s little girls are still seeing so little representation of women in church leadership is deeply troubling. Sadly, it is not altogether surprising.
In the past several years, the CRC has repeatedly chosen division rather than preserving unity. I believe this marks a departure from its historical character. It chose division in 2022 and only dug those divisions deeper in the years that followed. Again this year, the CRC Synod chose division when it left the World Communion of Reformed Churches.
Division is never clean. There are always people left behind.
Some of my friends and mentors at seminary were left behind. Members of my church, some of them with lifelong service to CRC ministries and organizations, were left behind.
I too was left behind, a child of the CRC who once hoped to serve the CRC.
I have grieved. I have questioned and been upset. I have felt abandoned. But I am not.
I walk with a God who knew all along what this path would hold. I am part of a robust, loving community. I know that my call to ministry is not about me, and it is bigger than any one denomination.
There are others who have been left behind who do not have the community I do, the resources I have, the love and grace I’ve experienced. And there are yet others who are still “in” the CRC that I fear will ultimately also be left behind.
I pray the Church will have eyes to see them. I pray this divisive momentum will lose its steam. And I await the day when the unity and reconciliation found in Christ prevails once and for all.
Header photo by Tanya Barrow on Unsplash
Candidates photo from The Banner
10 Responses
This hit home to me! I feel the CRC has left alot of us by the wayside. Their exclusion of good people (we know who we are) has cut to the heart. I love Jesus and I love all those who do and those who don’t know Him yet. Our ministry on earth as followers of Jesus, is to be inclusive of everyone. This includes women as leaders in church. Capable, loving women.
This is so sad as well as maddening. Our denomination has lost the service of so many wonderful, talented, thoughtful people and congregations. Our ministry has been significantly weakened by those so sure that they are maintaining the purity of the church that they have forgotten that the church is Christ’s. Blessings to you where he leads you next.
Sadly, the CRC has cleared their membership roles of unwanted souls.
Thankfully, God pays no mind to who the CRC says ‘belongs’ and who doesn’t.
We are among those still “in” and living with the disquiet of having to be a type of second class citizen within the circle we have learned, loved, led, and deeped our faith with. Fifty-five years and a pastor who see us and others, knowing we are still a part of the family, even if some of the uncles are misdirected. We are still nurtured and, although it may seem we are compromising our integrity, unless we are forced to go, we will try to stay until our lives end.
Jan—I am thankful for you and those like you in the CRC. Many of my dear friends and family members are, too. I love the CRC; I grieve many of its recent decisions. I pray it continues to be a spiritual home for you, and that you have the morale to continue to be a person of integrity in your community. Blessings to you.
So thankful for you and the path you have and are following. Your life choices indicate you belong!
So thankful for you, Gary
Thank you for this piece, Abigail. As another commenter stated, it hits home. As a fellow “child of the CRC” who was a student at Dordt when the “Women in Office” debates were still steaming, I can honestly say I had no idea when I started my MTS at Calvin in 2023 how complicated and messy the next three years would be. How on the outside, a woman can feel… How to step into fresh grief for who and what Christ’s church is losing in these divisive decisions; how to navigate the deep gratitude for those who I encounter— in, “in”, and out of the CRC—who are a balm for my weary soul because they embody the deep-rooted Reformed worldview steeped in wisdom and grace I pray for myself and the church.
Thank you for this, Abigail. So many have been navigating a similar road. Feeling left behind or cast aside.
After seeing the photo of candidates and reading their names (and knowing most all of them) I asked Susan LaClear about the few women candidates. Here is the information she provided. It was a public post on Facebook so I feel OK passing this information on here.
Here are some stats from the last 5 years: 2026: 4/36 (11%) 2025: 3/19 (16%), 2024: 4/25 (16%), 2023: 8/33 (35%), 2022: 9/24 (37%), 2021: 3/19 (15%)…. It looks like there have been ups and downs over the past few years with 2021 as the highest woman candidate year. But I think I would have to go back another 10 years to see if there were any real trends up or down. There are quite a good number of women enrolled in MDiv program at CTS so that’s very hopeful. And I think we’re past the point when women ministers in the CRC are going to exit to the RCA. So my hope is that we’ll steadily start building towards a more balanced ministry scene again
Jen, a little bird told me you spoke up about the discrepancy at Synod? If so, thank you! So interesting to see these stats.