When our daughter Emma was three, a dear woman from our church was babysitting her. When the babysitter pulled a vacuum cleaner out of the closet, Emma gasped, “Can women vacuum?” 

Children absorb our assumptions about gender roles remarkably early.  Adults, it turns out, do too.

Jeff Munroe, the editor of the Reformed Journal, has dubbed me “the knitting correspondent.” So here is my third, and probably final, installment on knitting, this time focusing on knitting and gender.

“When and how did you learn to knit?” I asked a male colleague during a recent conversation. He is a respected friend whom I have known for many years. Almost as long as I have known him, I’ve seen him with yarn and needles, knitting.  

“It started when I was leading a college age group at church.” he said. “One young woman came regularly, but hardly ever spoke. All she did was look angry and knit furiously! But she kept coming, so the group must have been important to her. 

“After several weeks, I asked her if maybe she would like to teach all of us in the group to knit. Suddenly she lit up and became engaged and excited about the prospect of sharing her gift with us. So she taught me and others in the group to knit. And I have kept it up. 

“Later, I discovered that her parents were going through a very acrimonious divorce. Knitting was one way for her to expend her anger and nervous energy, even as she tried to stay connected to the group.”

But what my colleague shared next was even more wonderful.

He used to travel quite a bit, speaking at youth conferences and Christian high schools. 

“I found knitting was one way to spend my time while I waited for flights or during long bus trips. It was always a conversation starter. People, especially older women, would approach me and ask me about my knitting. The comments I received were almost exclusively positive. People were curious or wanted to tell me about their own knitting projects. Once in a while, I would get a snide remark, mostly from male youth leaders who seemed weirdly threatened by a man involved in fiber arts.

“But it was among the young people that I was speaking with that my knitting seemed to send the most important message. It seemed to convey that I wasn’t another sports celebrity speaker or someone concerned about traditional gender roles. Maybe I seemed less imposing, more approachable?

“I discovered that my knitting was also an entry point for students who were unsure about or questioning their sexual orientation or gender identities — and some, of course, who were very certain, but scared and closeted. Somehow knitting lowered the bar. It made me feel safe to them, and they would come and talk to me.

“In those years I knit hats. They were quick, easy, and made good gifts for students at my speaking engagements. It’s amazing how once or twice a year I will hear from someone who tells me that they’ve pulled out one of my hats and remembered me.” 

Can men knit? 

Obviously. The answer is an unequivocal yes! 

In fact, historically, knitting was almost exclusively an activity pursued by men. The earliest surviving knitted artifacts date to around the eleventh century in Egypt, although historians are uncertain who made them.

By the late middle ages in Europe, professional knitting guilds were exclusively a male domain. A demanding apprenticeship was required to become a “master knitter.” Knitting became a huge commercial enterprise. Shepherds and fishermen in northern Europe also knitted sweaters, caps, and socks for themselves to keep warm in their outdoor labor. 

Only with the advent of mechanical knitting frames in the late sixteenth century was hand-knitting no longer profitable and relegated to the realm of domesticity. Women at home became knitters for their families and communities. 

Today, however, there is a revival of knitting among men. Yarn stores run groups reserved exclusively for men to gather, learn, talk and spend time together. One such example is Yarn Dragon, a male-owned fiber shop in Seattle, that regularly hosts men’s knitting circles and retreats.  

Can women chop wood and build things? Can men knit or sew? 

My colleague’s experience reminds me how easily we are trapped by assumptions about which hobbies, skills, and interests belong to men and women.

Yet when we step beyond these confining expectations, we often discover a new pastime. We also make new and unexpected connections. We create space for conversations that might never have happened otherwise. 

Sometimes it only takes a pair of knitting needles for someone on the margins to recognize a safe place—and a friend.